I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
