I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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