My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
