on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
