my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
