I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
