guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
