My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
