Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize