Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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