Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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