THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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