Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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