As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
