So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
