The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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