She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
