um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
