She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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