I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
