So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
