someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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