I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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