You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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