i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
