Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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