so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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