oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
