i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
