Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
