I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
