..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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