Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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