just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
