just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
