he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize