I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
