I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
