Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
