I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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