Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
