is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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