well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's get the cat blown out
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
