No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
