This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
