I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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