I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize