just tell him i said nine months
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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