It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
