I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm always down for nudity.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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