She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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