ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
