I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
