dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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