I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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