i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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