I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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