I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
