I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize