So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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