i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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